It's crazy how I just attended De Anza College 5 months ago and the next thing I have to start preparing documents to apply for universities in Fall. I guess time really flies eh? Starting this fall, I'll be living life at 200mph and it'll be fucking hectic, no kidding. Truth to be told, I'm doubting myself about this thing. It's crazy and I'm not the smartest or the most hard-working student. But in the midst of all that doubts, a part of me, a small part of me keeps on kicking and telling me that I'll do just fine and capable of this because I'm more than a conqueror. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean I'm confident and I don't feel scared. I'm scared, fucking scared as hell.

But one thing which hurts me the most is that for some reason, you're not supporting me in this thing. And I know why, I know your reasons. Everyone, my family and my friends, they all support me and not a single one of them says that I shouldn't do it, except you. I know you just want me to play safe at all, but when made a statement and said that I'm definitely doing it, all you say is "Up to you. Good luck." Fuck. Yes, even though you didn't swear or say something hurtful, your words pierced me right through the heart. It's hard enough for me to go against my will, break the rules, and take a leap of faith. I'm also doing this partly because I know that my friends and family will support me in this. But that's all you said. And when I asked why do you keep saying "Up to you," all you can give me is "It's my habit." Fuck this. Fuck fuck fuck this piece of shit. It's not like I didn't think of this and take your opinion into account, for the past few days I've been thinking about this and struggling to make my final decision. I tried to honor your opinion, but in the end I realized that I don't have an option. You may not understand what I meant by that, maybe someday you will. So please, support me in this baby. I'm not asking you to change your opinion, nor am I asking you to do anything else. I only want your support. That's all. Is that too much to ask? It's not like I don't want to have fun in De Anza, it's not like I don't want to have a relaxing life and not rush myself into things. My life has always been in full speed, and I would love to have a break too. But I have no choice.